That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
