I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
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I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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