And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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