We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
