Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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