Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
