Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
