6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
