I love having hate sex.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
