she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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