Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
