Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
