TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
