I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Everyone says I win the strip club
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
