he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
