he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
