sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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