Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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