Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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