Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
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when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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