so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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