I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
