She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
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I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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