i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
