I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Houston, we have a blender
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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