You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
