I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
