Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
