i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
