I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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