Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
