I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
