I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
