Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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