We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
