his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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