OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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