He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
