I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize