ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
