You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
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I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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