You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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