I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
