last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
