are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
