you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
