Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i would punch a child for taco bell
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
