Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
