Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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