i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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