As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
