I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
