can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
