DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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