we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
