I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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