that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
