Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize