If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
