the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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